Shame is the the barrier to intimacy.
Shame is a universal emotion. We all have some shame about something. However, there is healthy shame, and unhealthy shame. Healthy levels can foster kindness and generosity by causing us to hold ourselves and others accountable for our behaviors and impact on others, know when tend to ourselves by changing our state through rest or exertion. All good things. But for many of us, our shame has become debilitating and painful.
Extreme levels of shame creates barriers to intimacy and trust.
Why? Because shame is often used to isolate and punish us. The impact can be devastating. The work that I do with attachment and trauma is often linked to experiences of deep shame. In fact, many relationship difficulties are related to shame which prevents healthy attachment. So you can see why I highlight this work as key element in my therapy practice.
At this point, you may be wondering if your struggles are related to shame. Take a look at this list of shame driven behaviors and decide for yourself if shame is impacting your life.
- irrational anger
- judgement of others
- a sense of terminal inadequacy
- rigid thinking
- extreme need for control
- poor boundaries
We often defend ourselves from our shame and never learn how to work through the underlying emotion it stems from.
By healing shame or learning to change the defense into insight and gain:
- better judgement
- connection to others
- healthier boundaries
- feelings of worthiness
- better emotional regulation
- the ability to make amends
- the ability to ask for help
- freedom from rigid thinking
Shame can be repaired and does not have to be a way of life. Join me in freeing yourself from shame and embracing connection.